I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
