First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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