You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize