tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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