i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
