Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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