I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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