Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
