When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
