I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
