he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
