I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
