Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I lost the right to judge tonight
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
