let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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