What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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