I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
