In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
