6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize