there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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