I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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