In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
