Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
