so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
