Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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