My nipple is on Facebook.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He felt like a one man threesome
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
