i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
