sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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