first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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