EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My feet surprised me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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