Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize