then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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