Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
