mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
