I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is the high leading the old right now
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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