Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
