As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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