I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
