and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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