meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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