I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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