trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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