I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just invented taco cereal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
