take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
