you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
