And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
