I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
