Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
