You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
