my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So many bounce houses so little time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
