Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
