Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
