I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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