Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
