8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
