I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I puked a lego.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize