Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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