I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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