I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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