wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize