i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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