ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
