So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
