Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
