hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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