So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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