i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
