If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Fuck appropriateness.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
