You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
