The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
