My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
