so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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