guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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