When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
