We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
