You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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