Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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