Small penises have feelings too.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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