he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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