South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
