Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
