having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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