It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The uberlube is also flammable
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We are all done wearing pants today
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
