You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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