I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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