my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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