If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
