I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize